Search
Related Links




 

 

Informative Articles

Brazilian men's national soccer team dominance takes a new complexion
Brazilian dominance in soccer takes a new complexion. There used to be a time when the Brazilian men's national soccer team were of average size and build. They were small (shorter), fast and skillful. Diminutive in stature but this did not apply...

Diet and Exercise – Without Going to the Gym
Exercising and dieting are tasks that are very difficult for many of us, but usually just the thought of it that makes us queasy. There are some simple ways to get out and get fit, and you just might enjoy yourself too. Some people like to get...

Geocaching -- The New High--Tech Sport
There are about 150,000 of them spread throughout 213 countries and you need satellites to help you find them. What are they? They're geocaches and geocaching is a sport that is quickly gaining popularity. The geocaches come in all different sizes...

Hilton Consensus: Week 17
Bells will ring this weekend as champagne flows like water, horns blow and the NFL Playoffs puzzle finally falls into place. One of the biggest toasts in glittering Las Vegas -- where Strip fireworks greet the arrival of a New Year -- will...

Road Bike Reviews: The Giro d'Italia is the answer to the Tour de France
The Giro d'Italia has a fine history behind it, like the Tour de France it was started to publicise a newspaper, just like the Tour de France the organisers made the leaders jersey the same colour as the paper, yellow in France from the...

 
No Weiners at the Table !

The Year is 2168

The Place: Winnipeg, North Dakota, USA

The Channel: 51,479 on your in-brain t.v. chip

Your on site personal newshost is: Zig Zaggner

Hello again, everybody, and welcome to the negotiating table, I'm the straight-shooting Zig Zaggner, telling it like it is…direct to your cranium.

Today, we're talking hot dogs. Weiner Corp International has finally consented to re-opening negotiations with the Union of Processed Meat Employees after 12 hours of stalled talks, and credit for all this is being given to one Gus Simpson.

Gus, what's your part in all this?

I, uh, like hot dogs, Zig.

And?

And, well, that's it. I really miss having my hot dogs.

So what did you do to get the parties back to the negotiating table?

I, uh, yelled and screamed and stomped my foot.

I see. And now you're right in here as part of the negotiations too.

That's right, Zig. You see, as a member of the hot dog eating public, I am a STAKE HOLDER in this process. Those are MY hot dogs they are NOT producing. I am ENTITLED to those hot dogs. These people do not have the right to keep me from my processed meat!

Surely, not. We should also mention to the folks at home, and listening up there on the moon, that there is a long, illustrious history of consumers injecting themselves into the middle of labour negotiations. It dates back to the late, great Jim Boone, whose Ottawa-based NHL Fans Association first claimed the right to sit at a negotiating table.

I am proud to call myself a Booner, Zig.

Quite. With 25,000 members, Boone managed to get a seat at the negotiating table back in the year 2005 when the owners of a sport called Ice Hockey, had trouble with the athletes called Ice Hockey Players.

Can I interject here, Zig.

Uh, sure Gus.

If it wasn't for Boone and his organization, we might not have Ice Hockey today.




We don't have Ice Hockey today, Gus. Global warming has made that sport impossible.

Ya, but if we could have ice.

We can't Gus. Get a grip.

Look, I haven't had a hot dog since 7:18 this morning, so I'm a little edgy, okay? It's not like the public has much choice in what they eat anymore. Without hot dogs, I'm having to eat, well, you don't want to know!

Our viewers want to know!

Well, Some Processed Alternative Meat.

Ugh! Ooopsy, it looks like we have some activity here. The parties are being ushered back into the negotiating room and, of course, you'll be right there with us. The President of Weiner Corp and the head of UPME are about to address the group together. Let's listen.

(Cough!) Ladies and gentlemen, I think I can speak on behalf of Weiner Corp and the Union of Processed Meat Employees when I say "What were we thinking?" Here I was looking out for the interests of Weiner shareholders and completing overlooking the needs of Weiner eaters.

And I was looking out for the needs of the UPME membership and missing the big picture too. The Weiner eaters.

Together we beg the forgiveness of Gus Simpson and every other Processed Meat Consumer. Weiner employees have agreed to take a massive pay cut and Weiner Corp has agreed to, um, revise our budgets accordingly so y'all can eat wieners again. And finally, our creative department has come up with a new slogan for Weiner Corp International. So here's the head of that department, Sandy Beech.

Thank you, sir. The new slogan for Weiner Corp International is: Weiners aren't a luxury, they're a right. So get stuffed with your Rights!







About The Author



Rick Hoogendoorn has been in the financial services industry in Victoria since 1991. He misses NHL hockey too, but doesn't think that means he has the right to be involved in negotiations.








Sign up for PayPal and start accepting credit card payments instantly.